Father Skills

In the movie We Were Soldiers, there is a scene in a chapel where one of the young lieutenants has become a father and he is contemplating how this is going to impact his life. His superior, Lt. Col. Hal Moore (played by Mel Gibson) comes in to congratulate him. The new father seeking some wisdom, turns to the Colonel and says, “What do you think of being a soldier, and a father?” Colonel Moore thinks for a minute and says, “I think being good at the one makes me better at the other.”

I had a unique opportunity the other day to put this idea to the test.

We were out on patrol in our MRAP Maxxpro. In our vehicle there was a driver, TC, I'm the gunner, and 4 soldiers in my platoon in the back. There are two seats on either side of the interior of the vehicle with the seats facing each other. Everyone in the vehicle wears, in addition to full battle-rattle, a Bose headset with a mic so we can hear each other and communicate.

We were moving through a village and having a conversation when all of the sudden one of the soldiers interrupts us in a very strained tone, “I have the bubble-guts!” He is hunched over in the back, with his hands on his stomach.
Our TC says, “Are you okay? Can you make it to the FOB we are only 10 minutes away?”
“Ohhh…I’ve got the bubble guts,” comes the reply, with the soldier still hunching forward and backwards, “No, I can’t wait that long.”
“Okay, lets just get through this village and we will pull over.”

Unable to wait even two more minutes, the soldier quickly unbuckled his seat belt. He climbed over the three other passengers, squatted, dropped his drawers and proceeded to attempt to accurately place, not a #2, but a #27 in a plastic bag while in a moving vehicle. Let’s just say his attempt had very limited success. Very limited.

Mind you there are no windows in an MRAP, so needless to say the stench was overwhelming. Luckily, I'm in the turret with my head outside the vehicle in the fresh Afghan air. But I did get to hear all the coughing and gagging due to the pungent aroma. We were all laughing hysterically due to the absurdity of the situation.

After we pulled into our final destination and exited the vehicle in record time, we were able to do a battle damage assessment. There was a rather thick, chunky brown syrup over a good portion of the floor and the steps to the ramp. Clean up anyone?

News spread of the defecating disaster and the other soldiers had to come see and smell for themselves. Yup, it was poop. Yup, it was gross. Yup, it was everywhere. Clean up anyone?

The poor soldier wasn’t finished with his business and ran off to the bathroom. I couldn’t stand to wait any longer, so I went off to grab cleaning supplies. Somewhere along the way I decided I would clean it up. It wasn’t because I wanted to, not because I was told to, but because that’s what a father does. He cleans up when there is a mess, no matter what kind it is.

So, I put on gloves, got the bleach, the pine-sol disinfectant, the air freshener, and bottles of water and went to work. I cleaned it up thoroughly, and honestly much to my surprise it didn’t bother me that much. I guess after cleaning up loads of messy diapers and explosions up the back, you kind of lose the paralyzing disgust of poop and realize its not the end of the world. It’s a skill I didn’t know I had and can only attribute to acquiring it through fatherhood. I guess, “being good at the one, does make you better at the other.”

How about you? Had a similar experience? Has parenting taught you skills you didn’t have before?

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Goal #1: Write a Book

I want to write a book. There, I said it. It's been a desire of mine for a little while now but I didn't want to say anything. Once you say something you can be held accountable for it, people expect you to do what you say. I want to write a book. There, I said it again. Now I definately have to do it.

Being a detailed person I am a bit overwhelmed at the thought of writing a book and all that is involved in such a bold undertaking. I don't have a subject yet (maybe fitness, relational leadership, something churchy) a length requirement (50-500 pages??) or a publisher. I don't even know how to write something interesting. But I think there is something inside of me that wants to make its way out onto paper. And no, not on toilet paper.

So, the goal is to complete it in my thirities. Think it's possible? I don't know. I have 3,645 days left after today. Seems like enough time. I probably need to read up on the process, take a class or do something along those lines. I like to think I have the potential/aptitude for it. Actually, I know I do, but the thought still kind of makes me nervous. But, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." right? Let's put it to the test, since He is the one who probably put the desire there anyway.

How about you? Is there something you have always wanted to do but haven't for whatever reason? Like learning an instrument? Going back to college? Visiting a foreign country? Starting a non-profit company? Becoming a tax consultant?
What is inside of you that needs a kick in the pants to get going? Go for it. Try it. See what happens...

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Turning 30

I got to celebrate my 30th b-day with a wild party and loads of friends. We enjoyed some Baskin Robbins Cookies & Creme ice cream and a German Chocolate Cake made especially for me. Okay, not really...

I spent it all by myself sitting on a picnic table behind my room. I spent the evening looking up at the stars smoking a Cuban cigar to commerate the occasion. Probably one of my worst birthdays ever. But anyway, as I was sitting there gazing up at the amazing star-filled sky, I began to think over the last ten years. And since I have officially started a new decade, I thought I would take a few moments and reflect on some of my more memorable experiences that have been apart of my life over the last ten years. So, here they are (I thought it was appropriate to select 20):

-Got married on Oct. 6, 2001 to the most amazing woman I have ever met!
-Graduated Elim Bible Institute
-I've traveled to four different countries (Canada, Mexico, Haiti, Afghanistan)
-I've lived in four different states (New York, Florida, Washington, Kentucky)
-Driven every mile of I-90, from Boston/New York to Seattle
-Earned 3 personal training certificates
-Owned my own business (Functional4Life, LLC)
-Fathered three beautiful daughters
-Visited the original Starbucks
-Met two of my favorite UFC fighters, Randy Couture and Rich Franklin
-Began studying Commando Krav Maga and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
-Joined the US Army and am currently fighting in OEF XI in Afghanistan
-Attended seven churches in those four states and interm pastored one of them
-Earned my Combat Infantry Badge
-I've attended games for the Yankees, Marlins, Mariners, Dolphins, Bills, Heat, Sonics, Panthers, Sabres and various other minor league teams and amateur MMA fights
-Been through over 25 airports in five counties (mostly US)
-I can build various structures with brick and cultured stone b/c of my mad masonry skillz
-I have truly learned to appreciate the simple things, like my daughters' giggles and laughs, the gentle touch of my wife, and sharing meals together as a family
-I have followed my Shepherd's voice wherever I have heard it leading me, no matter where, no matter what the cost
-I've learned deep in my soul that Jesus has the words of life, where else would I go?

There are many other moments that are dear to me but would be too numerous to list them all here. I am a blessed man and have been afforded many opportunities and had many great experiences. I am excited about the potential and general direction for my thirties. By God's grace I will continue to be able to follow Him on this journey and I look forward to seeing where else I may go and what else I may do. Here's to another amazing decade to come!

"The process is the goal of the journey, not the destination."

For those of you 30 and above, what are some of your fondest memories from your 20s?

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Being Followed

Have you ever had the feeling someone is following you...for real? You can feel your heart start to pound as your pace quickens. You look over your shoulder nervously, hoping that if the person that is there knows that you know, they will stop their pursuit. Thoughts go racing through your head as you begin to perspire, 'Who would want to follow me?' 'Why would someone want to chase me down?' 'What do I have they could possible want?'

Have you ever had the Holy Spirit pursue you like that?

He is on your trail and you try and shake Him but...you can't. You are not quite sure what will happen when He catches up with you, but you try and avoid Him anyway. Maybe His pursuit isn't a life-endangerment kind of thing, it's more of a life-changing kind of thing.

I think He is after me.

The phrase, "For the love of Christ compels me..." has been the pursuing whisper in my mind and heart...continually.

I can't get away from it.

I can't stop thinking about it.

"For the love of Christ compels me..." There is so much passion in that statement. Can you hear it?

I'm ashamed to say I don't know if I do anything because His love compels me. I can't honestly say that I feel compulsed or forced into action because of the intense motivation of His love.

But I want to be able to say it.

I want to say, "The love of Christ compels me to..." and you can fill in the blank. I am sure that when I am operating in that way I won't have to say it at all, the evidence will be plentiful. Others will know that Jesus has touched them through me. And for that I will let myself be followed and tracked down until I am caught and Christ's love is made my driving force.

"For the love of Christ compels me..."

Stay alert. Look over your shoulder. The Holy Spirit may be following you too...

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Emotional Constipation

Have you ever felt something deeply and wanted to express it verbally but just couldn't find the words? Maybe you've gone through a range of emotions but could not concisely articulate what you've been feeling? You've exhausted Webster to no avail and even tried that word dinosaur, a thesaurus, but your emotions still refuse to be defined? It's like trying to scratch that spot on your back you can't reach no matter how hard you try. Well, that's where I have been for the last six weeks or so and I call it emotional constipation. Quite the vivid word picture, huh?

Anyway, I've been reading this book entitled Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. The premise of the book is that IQ scores and SATs do not accurately predict who will be successful in life. There is another form of intellegence, an intangible quality Goldman terms emotional intelligence that can better determine how far you will go in work and in relationships. Goleman suggests (based on research and evidence) that those who can clearly identify what they are sensing and experiencing on an emotional level will be better suited and adaptable to what they experience in life. This creates an emotional stability which will enable them to succeed no matter what life throws at them.

Now as a guy, reading and thinking about what "I am feeling" (written with a sarcastic tone) is pretty much like bamboo shoots under the fingernails or watching a marathon of Anne of Green Gables. Torture, to say the least. However, since I have been in Afghanistan, I have experienced a plethora of emotions that I need to work through. I find that if I do not try and decipher and identify what I am going through, they (emotions) just build up to where I am just sitting there with my mouth open, blank stare, knuckles on the ground, saying uhhh...real neanderthal-like. A constipation of emotions.

On a daily basis I wrestle with missing my wife and kids and praying I can make up for lost time, the reframing of my relationship with Jesus, the complexity of taking lives in combat, future plans, and the dynamics of military life to name a few. I want to improve my emotional intelligence and it seems I have been given an opportunity to do just that by trying to work through all these elusive no-name feelings. Not wanting to become an alexithymic, I have pain-stakingly hard soul-searching and name calling to do. So, I must continue to get brain cramps as I try to push one out...emotions that is, for my own mental and emotional well-being.

I just wish I had some ex-lax to get things moving...

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Blogging

I realize I am a late starter when it comes to blogging, I have a whopping two months under my belt. But I get the draw and even addiction of posting about the inconsequential and substantial happenings in your life that warrant a 'comment' from friends and the occassional 'anonymous'. Blogging is fun and impersonally personable, which is why I like it.

But, as much as I like the medium, I can't help think that all this blogging is really pointing to something else we could be potentially lacking...a place (or people) we can share the intricate details of our life with. I don't know if is is just me but I find I am more likely to share life's experiences on a computer than when I am looking someone in the face, eyeball to eyeball. It's easier to emote something and throw it out there on the world wide web indiscriminately, than to have that same life-sharing exchange with another person. Or maybe the difficult thing is finding someone (or a group of people) who you can be you around and they love you inspite of your idiosyncrasies, and you, them.

.

I think blogging can be a form of community for the intimacy-challenged. I hate to say it but I have had more insight into others thoughts, feelings, and struggles in their lives by reading their blogs, than by living nearby them for years. How does that happen?? Has that been your experience? We have to find a way to actually live together in community and carry one another's burdens.

My wife has a belief that desserts taste better when shared with loved ones, a foreign concept to me who believes the pie tastes better when I get to eat all of it myself. Though we may differ on our philosophy of desserts, I think she is on to something when it comes to relationships. Life is so much richer when shared.

I've been thinking a lot about community. Here's some of my thoughts; how I see it looking: a small group of (families) Believers, offering and sharing their lives as they live out life's challenges together. They switch weekly whose house they will meet at (so at least every house gets a good cleaning once a month). Every week it is someone else's trun to bring their version of the best chocolate chip cookies, tea, and Starbucks' latest overpriced coffee.

Everyone shares life's true challenges, 'Should the kids be home-schooled or public school?' 'This job opportunity opened up, but not sure I take it...' 'We're having trouble with our 2-yr old, Help!' 'What's the recipe for this chicken? It's amazing!' 'We're going through a tough phase in our marriage, can you pray for us?' This is the good stuff life is made of that we need to share. The all important and not important at all.

Over the course of the evening, the activities include: a time of prayer and sharing, some eating, maybe more prayer, playing with the kids, all of these and maybe more but in no particular order. Some good jokes and stories, hugs and handshakes round out the evening. "Talk to you tomorrow" "We'll set a playdate for the kids" "Thank you for sharing your heart with us tonight" and "Can't wait to do it again" are the comments as everyone returns to their own house having just been edified, encouraged, and genuinely loved by one another. That's what I want.

Do you have anything like this in your life? Do you have a group of friends you are living life with? How has that impacted your life? Are you still looking for that community? Have you found it at church? Or does the busyness of life relegate your relational interactions to only fb and blogging?

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My Favorite Things

I have a random talent not many people know about. And when they do they wished they didn't.

Is it twirling and singing in high-altitude meadows, you ask? Yes, but that's not I am talking about here.

Wondering what it could be??? Well, here it is: I am really proficient at changing the lyrics of songs in exchange for lyrics that have to do with experiences on the toilet.

For real.

You can ask my wife, she will validate my claim (with embarassment of course). And actually 'proficient' is a bit understated. I believe the term Grand Master is a better description.

(Usually, that term refers to a martial arts masters who have achieved more in their respective art than anyone else in history. That is why I am using the term in this instance).

However, the song below is not from my usual repertoire and may therefore lack a certain quality and high-standard my fans (wife and kids) are used to hearing. Nevertheless, I wanted to lay a foundation for my impromptu lyrical skizzles.

I say all that to say, missing my family causes me to think of the things that they enjoy doing, and one of those things is watching (over and over again) The Sound of Music. And that gave me an idea. I have applied my lyrical prowess and changed the lyrics to one of the songs in that movie to incorporate some of my favorite things. (You have to hum as you read)

"Waking up at six, to yells for Daddy,
Diaper changes . . . No, that one's for Sarah,

Hearing my girls run to me when I'm home,

These are a few of my favorite things

Laughing with my wife as we watch the Office,

Raising a family and love for each other,

Conversations of love for our kids,

These are a few of my favorite things

When I get shot at,

By the Taliban,

When rounds go through our tent,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad

Trips to the park, me pushing the stroller,

Chasing the kiddos, 'Now which way did G go?'

Holding hands with the ones that I love,

These are a few of my favorite things

When RPG rounds,

Hit our vehicle, the blast is oh so loud,

But I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad!"

And there you have it. An instant classic for the Fulton household!

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